Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Lost my lunch

Back when I did my Purgatory of Dilbert at Telecom's now-defunct call centre on the flood-prone riverbanks of Lower Hutt, the only viable food source apart from BYO and the onsite vending machine was a KFC. Years after walking out of that asylum, it's a rare thing for me to go to a KFC any more.

But following on from last week's Burger Wars post, I tripped over another franchise bunfight today, this time between KFC and the small but plucky El Pollo Loco. Read all about the new beef-flavoured chicken, or, more intriguingly, read what goes into KFC's secret recipe. It's not so much to prevent trademark infringement, but more to prevent customers from throwing up:
You can find the secret, though, by perusing the company's "ingredient statement" (pdf), where we learn that, besides chicken and beef, there are more than 20 other ingredients in the grilled chicken and its marinade. The top one: salt. Near the top: monosodium glutamate. KFC advertises the product as having "less sodium than our Original Recipe chicken," which is a little like saying that a donut has less sugar than a candy bar.
It gets worse. Here's the recipe for popcorn chicken, from that pdf:
Diced Chicken Breast Meat Fritters with Rib Meat, Seasoning (Soy Protein Concentrate, Salt, Modified Food Starch, Food Starch, Carrageenan, Onion Powder, Dehydrated Chicken Broth, Spice Extractive), Sodium Phosphates. Breaded With: Enriched Wheat Flour (Enriched with Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Salt, Rice Flour, Spices, Wheat Gluten, Leavening (Sodium Bicarbonate, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Monocalcium Phosphate), Monosodium Glutamate, Corn Starch (with Tapioca Dextrin), Garlic Powder, Citric Acid, Maltodextrin, Flavorings, Sugar, Corn Syrup Solids, Gum Arabic. Predusted With: Enriched Wheat Flour (Enriched with Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Modified Food Starch, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Salt, Leavening (Sodium Bicarbonate, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Monocalcium Phosphate), Monosodium Glutarnate, Garlic Powder, Spices Dehydrated Chicken Broth, Maltodextrin, Citric Acid, Sugar, Flavorings, Corn Syrup Solids. Battered With: Water, Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Enriched with Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Modified Food Starch, Modified Wheat Starch, Rice Flour, Garlic Powder, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Salt, Dextrin, Sodium Caseinate (with Soy Lecithin), Modified Cellulose Gum, Spices, Leavening (Sodium Bicarbonate, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate), Mono and Diglycerides (as emulsifiers). Breading set in Vegetable Oil. Contains Milk, Soy and Wheat.
Now I know why only poor people and teenagers eat that crap. Anyone literate would lose their lunch. Here's some more banned comics: